


What Can Happen in 6 Hours?

by Mewwy



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-19
Updated: 2013-04-19
Packaged: 2017-12-08 21:40:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/766317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mewwy/pseuds/Mewwy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>6 hours in the life of Detective Danny Williams and his side kick Steve McGarrett. Mainly Danny's POV. </p><p>This is the 2nd time I have ever done a 1st person POV and I find I kind of enjoy it. So please enjoy it with me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Can Happen in 6 Hours?

Slamming into the ER, I go straight for the desk. “…McGarrett?”

“…Detective.” The nurses know me here, which is wrong in so many ways. This nurses’ name is Tina or Trina Danny remembers from the last time he saw her; they were stitching up Kono. “He’s in surgery right now, up on the 4th floor. Why don’t you head up there to the waiting room? I will let them know you are on your way.”

            “Thank you Trina.” Thankfully, I chose the right name as she smiles at me. Turning, I head toward the elevator.

It was our day off, and _trust_ Steve to get involved in a routine traffic stop on his way home from surfing that turned into a high speed chase. Once at the elevator banks, I poke the ‘up’ button a bit excessively. Okay, maybe 6 times was overkill, but the son of a bitch was in surgery with a small hole in his chest.

            The elevator doors opened and I stared over at the couple who were standing beside me. “Umm we’ll take the next one.”

            “Thank you,” I manage to say as the doors close. This time I only hit the button for the 4th floor once. I was pissed, and this was no reason to take it out on the machinery at the hospital. How did the idiot do these things? It is not that he is a magnet for trouble, _“oh no!”_ Steve is Mister Hero. When Duke had called I was a bit nervous because Duke hardly ever calls on my day off. Thankfully I did not have Grace today. She was going to be devastated that Uncle Steve was in the hospital and I will call her once he is out of surgery.

            The door opens and I practically run to the desk in case something changed in the 3 minutes it took to get up here. “…McGarrett?”

            This nurses’ name was Yolanda. At least I remember that. “He’s still in surgery Detective. Why don’t you go sit and call Chin and Kono? Let them know what is going on.”

            “I already called. They should be here soon. Could you,” I jerked my finger at the waiting room and she nods. “Thank you Yolanda.” As I walk carefully towards the waiting room I really just want to stomp me feet and scream for an answer. What the hell was taking so long? Steve was already been in surgery when Duke called. So that was, looking at the old cream clock on the wall it was still just past 7 on a Sunday night, that means Steve has been in surgery since 6:15.

            I began to pace. There was no sitting for me. It was not a good idea to sit; if my feet were moving it would be less that my brain would be working about what could be wrong. All Duke had told me was there was an injury at the scene and Steve was stabbed in the chest. From the paramedics, it was a collapsed lung and possibly internal damage. Duke called as soon as Duke found out how Steve was. The crazy son of a bitch just had joined a chase in progress. It was just a chase; there was nothing special about it. It seems the guy was fleeing because he had several warrants out on him and did not want to get stopped.

            Now McGarrett was in surgery with a collapsed lung and possibly even worse damage. The nurses could only give me so much information. Thankfully we were each other’s medical proxies. After the incident involving the drug addict and the dirty knife it became a smart move. I had collapsed from fever and Rachel was in Las Vegas and I had not changed my medical proxy. I’m still not clear as to how Steve managed to get me medical treatment, but the SOB did. Then when I was lucid and sitting on his lanai he handed me his paperwork and told me I was his medical proxy and proceeded to hand me a completed, “minus your signature Danny, because I didn’t want to forge that”, medical proxy. Naturally I signed the paperwork, and that was the end of that.

            Now I have to wait until they have news. Chin and Kono are on the far side of the island interviewing a witness, so it could be a couple of hours before they get here. Until then I am pretty much on my own. Pacing back and forth in the small room I am sure I am making everyone a bit nervous, but they know 5-0 here, which is not something to brag about. I know I look like a lunatic waving my arms as I move, but it better than breaking the chairs or punching the wall. I cannot believe, on his day off, Steve did this. Jesus, the man is going to give me a heart attack before I am 40.

            I do not know how long I pace, but I am actually getting tired. Twelve steps to the right. Then twelve steps back. I stop in the middle of the room and run my hand through my hair. I cannot lose him over something as simple as a chase he should not have been involved in. Damn him.

“…Detective?” I turn to see Yolanda with a cup of, what I assume, is coffee.

            “…For me?” I try and bring up a smile for her.

            “Yeah, we just made a fresh pot. 2 creams no sugar.” And she handed me the cup.

            I nod at her, “thank you. I need this.”

            She nods back. “It will not be very long, if there is no internal damage and it is just a collapsed lung. Steve is strong. He will make it through this!”

            “Thank you.” I take a sip, “...And also for the coffee. It’s perfect.”

            “You’re welcome.” She leaves me in peace and I sip my coffee and look out the window at the parking lot on the south side. It is scary that I even know which parking lot I am looking at. Maybe the cop in me or maybe I have been at this particular hospital too often. Probably both.

            Closing my eyes I picture the last time I saw Steve. It was as we were leaving work the night before. He’d invited me to go surfing with him today, but I had begged off. It was getting harder and harder to ignore my feelings for him. Seeing him in his trunks was a horrible pleasure. I felt like a voyeur looking at all that tan skin and muscles. Wanting to do more than surf with him, so I begged off saying I needed to clean my place and spend the day getting caught up with groceries and laundry. All I wanted to do was spend the day watching him ride a surfboard and see those board shorts ride low on his hips. Listen to him laugh and have him slap me on the shoulder or back. A perverse pleasure for sure.

            Instead, I spent the day doing exactly as I said I would; avoiding my feelings and thoughts about Steve and cleaning the apartment, doing laundry, and grocery shopping and making a mental note to change grocery stores. I was tired of that one cashier who leered at me while checking me out; no pun intended. For some reason, I always seemed to get her. Not that I mind the interest, but she is too blatant about it. I swear that drool is going to come out of her mouth one of these times. Shuddering, I take another swallow of coffee. Then of course I get the laundry done and all folded and hung up by 10 this morning. Which left me doing the grocery shopping right at mid-day; I should have done it first thing this morning.

            What does this all mean in the grand scheme of Steve being in surgery? It means instead of spending the day with him and making sure the dumb shit did not get into the chase I spent the afternoon thinking about him all wet and happy. I almost went to his surf spot, since I could have joined him. It would have made him happy. Maybe even enough to hug me, but I did not. Instead I stayed home and wallowed. I am actually glad I did not decide to start drinking at 1 while watching the ball game. The game sucked and a beer would have been nice, but there was this voice, sounding a lot like Steve, kept telling me to go surfing. So I did not drink and well I am glad I listened to my gut.

            Taking another swallow of the now cold coffee, I think about Steve laying up there on the table. Hoping that the worst case scenario is a collapsed lung; however, knowing Steven J. McGarrett like I do, he did some more damage and they will find it. The man is not a trouble magnet, like when we find ourselves looking down guns or being shot at, but he is a Dudley Do Right. He has to help everyone. Last week it was a kitten in a fucking tree. A kitten! The little charcoal and orange kitten belonged to one Ms. Ginny Wikiliana. She and her new kitten had been traveling with her parents back home from the pet shop when ‘Sparkle’ the kitten escaped while we were all at Kamekona’s shave ice stand. What does the kitten do? Of course finds the largest tree and scrambles up it. Ten minutes later Sparkle and SuperSEAL come over to Ms. Ginny and Steve hands her back her kitten. There was a fairly large scratch on Steve’s arm, but the hug from the little girl was worth it. The man is a menace.

            Sadly, I would have done the same thing. I cannot stand to see children cry. I have broken the hardened SEAL from a frightener of children to a cuddler. Well, it might not have been me who broke him. It was probably my 10 year old daughter who has the SuperSEAL wrapped around her little fingers and boy does she know it. Steve would do anything for her, and she for him. They have such a weird little co-dependent relationship. The last weekend that we spent at Steve’s, they both fell asleep on the couch watching _Tangled_. Of course, that was after I convinced my baby that she really did not need to watch _Easy A_ because it had themes that were too adult for her. I found out from Steve the next day, Grace has already seen it. I was livid until he calmed me down.

            All this thinking was not helping me. It is like I am making memories for a dead man and the man was far from dead. He was still on the table and they were going to find he scared everyone over a simple collapsed lung. I chuckle to myself in the waiting room. Anyone who saw me would think I was holding vigil, which I guess I am. Usually those in this room are waiting to hear that their loved one is alive or dead. I could not think of Steve as dead. SuperSEAL cannot and will not die. Life would be difficult to continue without him. Hell, who am I kidding? Life would be pure hell. He goads me and annoys the hell out of me, but I love him with all that I am. Steve is great with Grace and he does not hate my moods and my attitude.

            There is no real hope for us though. I mean I know he has Catherine and they are sometimes lovers and more than often friends, but it does not mean he swings my way. Hell, I’ve never even told him I swing his way or at least towards men. It has been a long time since I have dated or wanted a man, since the academy in fact, but that is not something you throw into casual conversation. Oh, who the fuck am I kidding? I was scared to tell him. I know he is not a homophobe, but it changes things when your best friend and partner, learns you’re bisexual. I just did not want to lose our friendship. Sure, I have Kono and Chin and Kame, but there is something about Steve and my friendship? I spend practically every waking moment with the man.

            Speaking of Catherine, I wonder what she would say. She has caught me staring a few times, but has not said anything, at least not to me. I try to be more careful around her because she is an intelligent woman and pretty observant when she wants to be. Then again, I am so lax in watching myself. When it comes to Steve, I might as well be waving a big old sign. “…Detective?” Yolanda interrupts my lament.

            “Yes?” I move across the room towards her.

            “They just called down; he is still in surgery and so far holding his own. There are no obvious signs of other trauma and they are going to fix the lung now. It could be another couple of hours, or another 20 minutes. Depends on how the re-inflating the lung goes.” She said calmly and professionally.

            “Is it 20 minutes or a couple of hours? That is a large gap Yolanda. Why so big?” I admit I am nervous. I am hoping for the 20 minutes myself, but knowing Steve it will be the full 2 hours. The man lives to drive me up a wall.

            “The Commander is in good shape, the surgeons don’t think there is anything else wrong with him. They removed the piece of metal that had pierced his lung, but it tore a couple of muscles. They want to make sure that when they removed the metal that no other damage occurred. Re-inflating the lung will show the damage, if there is any, underneath it. I am sure they have lifted the lung to check for damage and turned him over, but I don’t know if the metal that pierced his lung went all the way through or not.” Yolanda places her hand on my shoulder in a calming manner. “So once the lung is inflated they will check for damage before they clear him.” Nodding to her that I understood, she continues, “which they have probably done by now. If everything is clear and clean he will be in recovery where you can see him in about 20 minutes.”

            I smile wryly. “Yeah, but knowing Steve he did some weird kind of damage and will be there for a couple more hours.”

            She frowns a little and nodded. “Well, you and the Commander do make it a habit of finding the anomalies. I don’t want you to be alarmed. He is a strong, healthy young man and will pull through this no problem.” I almost laugh; Yolanda was 30 if she was a day and her calling Steve a healthy young man just struck me as funny. It is doubtful she would find it amusing as I do.

            “Thank you.” I smile softly at her. “Steve is strong, but he is an idiot and we both know we do tend to find the odd things. So if he comes out of it with Dengue fever or liver spots it wouldn’t be a surprise.” She actually chuckles at that. “Thank you.”

            Smiling gently she let go of my shoulder. “I’ll keep you updated, but you should eat something.”

            “If it is more than 20 minutes, I’ll go to the cafeteria once Kono and Chin arrive.” She nods and turns to leave.

            “Detective, he will be fine.” She adds, her accent a little thicker with emotion, as the 5-0 team was pretty well known around the Queens. Hell, they are pretty well known at Tripler, too!

            I chuckle. “It’s ‘Danny’, and I hope so.” With that, she exits the room and leaves me with my thoughts; which are pretty dark right now. She did do a lot to alleviate my fears, but like Yolanda said, Steve and I find the anomaly. Picking up the coffee cup from the table in the room, which I do not even remember putting down, I swallow more of the cold coffee. I do not need any more on an empty stomach. Last thing I need is an ulcer from drinking cold coffee. Even though this is actually pretty decent coffee, and will not rot my gut, I do not need the worry or the actuality of an ulcer. Steve is enough to give me one.

            _“Damn it Steven! Why do you do these things to yourself?”_ I wonder to myself. Staring at the fading sunlight in the window, I try and think good thoughts, but my head does not want to do that. It wants to think bad thoughts, and how the odds are always against us. Despite the fact we always manage to beat the odds, they do not play in our favor. _“Maybe I should call Mary Ann.”_ I ponder. Of course it is probably too early to do so.

            _“No need to worry her needlessly, I have her number and once I knew SuperSEAL is safe from harm and internal injuries I will call her.”_ Better safe to wait. _“God I am so bad at this. I hate waiting.”_ My pacing starts up again. I toss the almost empty coffee cup on one of my trips across the floor. Thoughts that I shouldn’t be having are racing through my brain. What ifs we are taught to not think about. It was Steve’s fucking day off, and the idiot gets himself impaled.

            _“Impaled, for Christ sake, with some kind of metal piece that may or may not have punctured something behind his lung; the man is an idiot!!”_ Stuffing my hands in the pockets of my jeans, I look down at myself. Steve would be laughing at my outfit consisting of Chuck Taylors, jeans, and a University of Hawaii football jersey. We used those tickets that Lori gave Steve when she was let go. My jersey was a joke from Steve because it was the smallest they sold. It was a men’s small and it fit me perfectly. “…Smart ass!!” I mutter to no one in particular.

            Looking up at the clock it has now been almost 2 hours since Steve was impaled. _“How long ago did Yolanda come in?”_ I try to remember, but I just wasn’t looking at the clock. I was looking at her and hoping there was good news or at least better news. Sighing to myself, I start to pace again. I make a vow with myself; if Steve pulls through this one, I am going to at least tell him I am bisexual. Maybe not ready yet to tell Steve I am attracted to him. I suspect Catherine already knows, but I am not going to mention it to her either. This is between Steve and me.

            It is now dark as the sun has finally died out, and the clock is saying 8:30; Chin and Kono will be coming in any time now, but he did not want them coming. Was that impolite of him? Chin and Kono were family, but if the SuperSEAL get through this, I and Steve have a conversation to have and I do not want to kick out family. How exactly should he broach the subject? It probably wasn’t a good idea to say something while Steve was in the hospital, but then again Steve would be a captive audience, and well, sometimes you needed to capture a SEAL to get him to listen.

            Scrubbing the back of my neck and shrugging my shoulders some I finally sit down. I’ve been pacing long enough. Besides, wearing me out will not help Steve in any case. The thing about telling Steve that worries me the most is that he is really okay with the fact that I am bisexual; that there is absolutely no issue whatsoever. It is not that I want there to be a problem, I do not need to go borrowing them, and it is that I do not want him to treat me any differently when I tell him. Then again I want him to treat me differently too. _“This is so fucked up.”_ I want Steve to hear that I am bisexual, smile, tell me it is okay, and kiss the ever loving shit out of me. _“Is that too much to ask?”_

            Closing my eyes, I lean back, and imagine telling Steve. It would be so easy because he is so laid back about everything. I know he will take it just fine, there is no reason to angst about it, and, hell, there is no real reason to worry at all. Steve will just pat me on the back, probably say, _“Good for you,”_ and then we would go back to drinking our beers. Steve is that guy. The one you can tell anything to and it just rolls off their back. Chill and cool, when you never know what is just below the surface. He would never turn his back on someone he considers a friend over something as mundane as sexuality. That is not Steve.

            It is just that I want more than that. I want the, _“It’s okay, Danny. I support you no matter what,”_ too! However, what I want more is the hug and the admitting that Steve’s hope I was bisexual because Steve has felt these feelings for me for a long time. I want the Prince in the fairy tale. Sure, I am grown fucking man, and I am a realist, but I am also a closet romantic who wants the dream. I want the kiss on the temple and then the lips. I want the hug where he holds me tight. I want the fucking 2.5 kids and the white picket fence. It is what I have always wanted. I thought I had it once, but do not remind me how that was fucked up, twice.

            Romantic? More like stupid. Steve is not going to let me fall into his arms of that I am sure. I might get the hug, but it will be like all our other hugs, just this side of too long. I know that Steve and Cath are friends with benefits, and they are friends before anything else, but I want Steve to be completely mine. Not shared with anyone. Opening my eyes I look at the clock. Time has fucking slowed it is now 8:36 and I am sure I have been whining in my head longer than that.

            It is not the end of the world, once I tell Steve my secret, it will be out, and Steve will still be my friend. Then I will spend the next six months getting over my feelings for Steve. Slowly pulling away until I can be friends with him without the pain I know it would cause. _“Wow I am pretty pathetic,”_ my mind supplies for me. _“Hell, it is probably the truth I just don’t want to hear it.”_

            Leaning forward I put my elbows on my knees. The only thing good about watching the door is I will not miss anyone who comes in, the bad thing is the clock is right there and right at this moment the clock is mocking me with it is too slow turn of the hands. It has not even been the 20 minutes, let alone 2 hours. Staring at the floor I contemplate going to the cafeteria. At least that would take some time, but I do not want to be gone in case Yolanda comes back. “I am pathetic,” I mumble into my chest.

            _“I have to be mad to fall for someone like Steven J. McGarrett!”_ I am sitting here in a hospital because on his day off he decides to join a chase and gets himself impaled, which, sadly, is not a strange state of affairs. If Steve and I were together today maybe Steve would not have been… no, I cannot do that, I need to think about something else because that is not going to do anything, but get me more upset than I already am. What I need is a distraction until Yolanda comes back.

            Maybe if I play ‘what if’ some more, but instead of what if Steve is worse off, I think good stuff like what if he takes me telling him I am bisexual as a good thing. That maybe he has felt something for me this whole time (or some of it) and has been afraid like me to change our relationship. I know for a fact I would be kissing him stupid the moment he woke up. We would laugh about close calls and I was smack his shoulder and tell him never pull this shit again. I would make sure he stayed home and did not go wandering the state and get into trouble. Hell, I would handcuff the menace, well maybe not, he might like that. Not that we trade sex stories, but Cath can drink like a sailor and talk like one, too! She has let slip that Steve can be a touch on the kinky side. Trust me. That one I have jerked off to on a few occasions when I needed more than a little push over the edge.

            Then there is the romantic part. I know that Steve is romantic because he told me how he likes to make dinner on the beach, dress up and go to ridiculously expensive restaurants, and he loves to take lovers to watch the sunset over Diamond Head. Then again he also likes to go hiking, fishing, and ATV riding in the back country. All of these things I can get behind.

            There was one night we had dealings with a particularly hard case and neither of us planned on driving; my extra clothes were already in the downstairs closet for me since I was staying the night. We were probably six or seven beers in each when we got onto the topic of most romantic date. I was sure I had it with Niagara Falls and Rachel. There was a suite overlooking the falls on the Canada side and champagne and chocolate. Making love to the sounds of the falls even though we were 15 stories up. I knew I had the most romantic date. Well, I wasn’t even close. His was pure genius. They were in Afghanistan and it was the middle of a tour. His lieutenant at the time happened to be stationed at the same base camp that his team of SEALs was for a couple of weeks. So he raided the food tent and found chocolate (slightly melted and a huge turn on for his lieutenant) and a wilted rose leftover from someone’s dinner, probably the Coronel that was there at the time. Anyway, he and his lover snuck away for a couple of hours to watch the sunset. It was a simple blanket, sunset, chocolate, and a wilted flower in a war zone. How could I top that as romantic? I did not even try.

            Steve is my best friend, and I do not want to lose what we have. Maybe it would be better than what we have now if Steve really did return my affections. I would learn the romantic side of Steve first hand, but we would still continue to argue. Now stop that brain! I can hear you laughing that I love to argue, which is very true. It is the easiest way to weed out the idiots. If they cannot keep up with me then they are not worthy of being my friend, or, more than that. Besides it is like Steve likes to make me argue with him, or at least throw me into a tizzy. Secretly, I like to be a little more active and move around more and pretend Steve is enjoying the show so that later, after the argument we can make up. So maybe I play it up a little more than I need to. Who, besides me, really knows anyway?

            But yes, I do very much so like to argue and I know when to push Steve and when not too. He is not very complicated like that, but he is smart and sometimes he does manage to win arguments without me “letting him” win. Besides, I know if we were in a relationship, when he wakes up in his room I will bluster and yell at him for being an idiot again, but he would take my hand and kiss me and tell me he was sorry and I would cave like Grace’s blanket forts. Most likely I will crawl into bed with Steve and cuddle with him until I was sure Steve was really okay. Hell, it is going to take a miracle for me not to do that this time. It is not that he is constantly getting hurt, it is just I do not like to see him hurt. He thinks of himself as Superman and I know it is always bad when Superman falls.

            “Danny?” Yolanda was quiet when she came in the room.

            My head snapped up and the 20, well, 25 minutes slipped past me. “Is he?”

            She shakes her head sadly. “There is a small tear in his heart plus another one in the lung. They are having trouble inflating the lung and getting it to stay inflated.”

            “What?” I stutter a little bit. “What does this mean?” I stood up almost like a broken man this was not good information.

            Smiling, Yolanda crossed the room and places her hand on my shoulder again. “It is going to take a couple more hours, but the good news is that both tears are completely repairable. The Commander will just need to take it a little easier for a couple weeks longer while the tears heal.” I looked at her disbelievingly after all this was Steve who never took anything easily. “Honestly Danny. He’ll need some PT for the tears in the muscles, and while he is doing that, his heart and lung will be healing. He might have shortness of breath for a little while longer, but that is totally expected. We will make sure he has all the supplies he needs to strengthen that lung.”

            “What about his heart?” Honestly the tear in his heart was more worrying to me than the one in his lung.

            “The Commander got lucky on that. It is barely a nick, maybe 2 millimeters, in the outer heart wall. They are doing an ultrasound to see if the tear did more than damage the muscle in the heart.” She stops her giving the information to squeeze my shoulder. “Truth is they are just going to do some exploring after the tears are fixed to make sure they didn’t miss anything, which is why it is going to take a couple hours. I promise. He is going to be fine.”

            It is hard for me to breath at the moment, exploratory surgery? That is not minor. “Did they crack his chest?” I did not know much about surgeons, but I hope they did not go that far.

            “They went in through the side wall of his chest, between his ribs. The tears were very obvious once they got in there.” Looking into my eyes her smile gentles again. “Honest Danny. It will not be a huge scar.”

            Chuckling, I did not have the heart to ask her to brand him with a giant S on his chest. Superman might have fallen, but he was going to get up. “Okay.” My relief was palpable and she grins deeply. “So, it’ll still be a couple more hours?”

            “Depending on what they find…” She trails off. I knew this story. It was the same one I was quite familiar with. Nodding, I gave her a wry smile. “Do you want some more coffee? Or maybe go to the cafeteria?”

            “No, I’m good. Thank you.” With a nod she releases my shoulder and left. _“Well, I guess I am back to my vigil.”_ I think morosely. Wandering around the room I pick up a couple magazines to see they were actually pretty recent, but I did not have the brain capacity to read anything. It was hard to keep my mind from thinking bad thoughts, and I have been trying to keep pretty positive. Steve would say I am a negative bastard, but he would chuckle because of how untrue it was.

            Glancing at that ancient clock, I saw it was now 5 minutes till 9 and thought to myself, how have I managed to make it this long? Almost three hours since he was taken from the scene. He had just been taken into surgery when I was called, so that was what? 6:30? _“God! It has been a long two and a half hours!”_ I shake my head and look back out the window away from the clock. It was like that clock was mocking me. Going alternately fast and slow, just to drive me mad. According to Steve I was already mad. _“Damn it, t Steven!”_

            It was full dark outside the window, and all I could see was the lamplights from the parking lot and the city lights beyond. Maybe Steve should have been taken to Tripler? Was it better than Queens? Would it have taken as long there as it was taking here? _“Damn, I have to stop thinking like this.”_ I scrub my neck and face. _“Both are good hospitals,”_ my internal diatribe thinks. _“Neither is better. It is just one is military and one isn’t. I am just borrowing trouble again?”_

            Glancing over my shoulder at the stupid clock I see time is being sardonic again. It is now 5 after 9, where did the last 10 minutes go? Sure it speeds up when I am lost in thought, but then is slows down when I need time to go faster. Stupid time!! I am going to end up breaking that clock, I know it. The fucking thing is mocking the hell out of me. Or maybe it is just time that is being cruel? Whichever it is I am going to have a word with someone about that damn clock.

            Looking down at my feet, I shuffle them a bit. _“God? I’m not one to pray very often, but if anyone needs it, that would be Steve. Please just watch over him some more. I know he can be a hand full, but I will watch over him in the field if you’ll watch over him on the operating table. Please?”_ I shake myself and hope someone can hear my plea. Superman needs all the help he can get. _“Thank you for listening. I know you are busy and all.”_ Why is it that sometimes when I pray, I feel pretty stupid? I just hope God is listening this time.

            Sure it is a minor injury, but I am dreading it every time Yolanda comes in here. It seems there is always bad news; not good news like, _“He’s awake.”_ But no it is always a little more potentially bad news. Which is not really bad news, just not good news; something simple that could hypothetically become a large problem. Shuffling my feet some more I really wish I could get the hell out of my own head, but without something or someone I am trapped there.

            This time I sit down with my side to the clock. I am not going to have that fucking clock be cruel to me anymore. Grabbing a Sports Illustrated, I try and get interested in the March madness story they are running, but I really cannot. Really, I just stare at the page and hope it will take me into oblivion and help with time moving swiftly. Was it just last week we were arguing about the final four? _“Damn!”_ I think. _“We had bets on Syracuse and North Carolina. Two surprises in the final four, was what I had told Steve.”_ I was firmly behind Syracuse because they were a New York team and Rutgers had been kicked out in the first round of play. While Steve, being Steve, was rooting for North Carolina. He did not even like them, but because they were against Syracuse he was _ALL_ for NC. The superior bastard had rubbed it in when NC beat Syracuse by almost 10 points. Beat the spread and Steve got $20 off me.

            Tossing the magazine down, I did not want to think about sports anymore. Everything connects back to Steve. “Dammit!” Muttering as I wring my hands. _“I have to talk to him. Tell him the truth. Well, some of it.”_ Thinking to myself, I do not notice time fly or stand still. I just know that I am alone in this room waiting on hearing whether there is going to be another _“issue!”,_ or if Steve is going to actually make it out of surgery. “No! He will make it out of surgery and I will tell him. He is my best friend.” I am muttering to myself again. Maybe I should close the door so no one walks by and sees me talking to myself?

            Sitting there, I think of all the good times, beers on the beach, surfing lessons and then actually surfing, dinners on the lanai, and evenings, well, weekends spent with Grace and Steve at the zoo, beach, aquarium, and just at home. At home! That is what I want Steve’s place to be. Even with Doris there on occasion I want to be at Steve’s. Go home with him after work. Argue over making salads for the steak, fish or chicken, or whatever healthy food he is arguing with me to try. I want to grocery shop with him so we can fight over sugar cereals. Although, Grace has got me eating Cornflakes instead of Frosted Flakes; if I add a couple packets of Splenda she never needs to know about it. I want Steve to wake me up after swimming to the mainland and back or his marathon run in the mountains. I want pancakes on Sunday and picking Grace up from school together. Just a life together… “Is that too much to ask?” I mumble.

            I do not know which is worse, the waiting or the thoughts? I mean, I cannot seem to shut my head up and all I can thing about is the things I might lose if I lose Steve. Things we already have between us and things that could be between us. It is doubtful that Steve and I would be anything more than friends. Not with someone like Catherine as his beck and call girl. _“Wow that sounded better in my head.”_ Just the thought of someone like Catherine, tall, brunette, legs up to here, and perky tits… I do not even come close to his type. Short, blonde, stocky, but well-built that I am sure is so far from his type I might as well be on the mainland. It is not like I have given him any reason to even look at me. For three years now, I have not told him that I am bisexual, which is something that may or may not have come up in conversations in the past. It is just that I did not tell him, not out of fear, okay, out of fear, but I know he will not turn me away. If I told him I have feelings for him I know he would be gentle and kind when he explained I was his best friend and he loved me, but not in that way which would be harsh to hear, but totally expected.

            When I think of Steve in my life, as much as I want more, I have found peace with having this much of him. No need to ruin it with my stupid “falling in love with my partner” bullshit. He did not need that. I also did not want to see the look in his eyes when he let me down. I could not take that. Oh, I am sure there would be no pity or anything like that, but the softness of his features and the tenderness in his eyes when he told me thank you, but no thank you. It would kill me because I want that look with softness and tenderness for other reasons. Reasons like the first time I tell him I love him or over something Grace did; things like that. Not because he is letting me down easy.

            This time I am watching the door because it is now 9:31 and it has been 3 hours since I heard from Duke. Kono and Chin have not made it in yet, for which I am actually pretty grateful. I just do not have the energy to deal with my thoughts and them as well. I love them like family, but I kind of feel like the husband waiting on the bad news. Anyway, Yolanda comes walking in with a smile on her face and I immediately jump up. “He’s in recovery Danny. The nick and tear have been repaired and his lung is staying inflated.”

            I let out a breath I did not even know I was holding. “Oh, thank god. When can I see him?”

            “As I said, he is in recovery, if you can give me a few minutes I might be able to sneak you back there. Being he is your partner and all.” She gave me a soft smile that I did not want to read into. Partner could be taken so many ways these days, but she was going to get me access to Steve. I was not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

            “Okay. I can wait.” I gave her a thankful smile. “I’ve managed to wait this long.”

            Laughing she waved her hand. “Wait here for a few and I will get you back there.” Then she walked out on me. He was okay. God had watched over the stubborn bastard on the table. Now to keep up my end of the deal I need to watch over him the rest of the time.

            _“How am I going to be able to do that?”_ I wonder. _“I’m not with him 24/7. I don’t have control over him on days like today, when he gets himself involved in shit like this.”_ My thinking is interrupted by the arrival of Chin and Kono.

            “How’s the boss?” Kono immediately grabs me in a hug and I love her more that moment than I ever have. Her hugs are strong, and I did not realize I needed it until she did it.

            Patting her back and squeezing I mumble into her shoulder. “He just got into recovery. Yolanda is going to sneak me back in a few to see how he is doing.”

            As Kono let go, Chin grabs my upper arm in support. “What happened? All we got was he was impaled by something metal in a high speed chase.”

            Shaking my head I replied, “He decided on his day off to join in a high speed chase against a fleeing suspect. Suspect had some outstanding warrants and did not want to be pulled over. Duke told me something went through Steve’s windshield and impaled him. Since then, I have found out that whatever the metal piece was tore his lung and there was a small tear on the outer muscle of his heart. Both are fine now. They sewed him up, but they were having trouble getting the lung to re-inflate.” Yolanda was walking through the door right now and I wave at her.

            “Ah, I see everyone is here. Yes, they got his lung re-inflated and the tears sewn up. He is breathing on his own, although he will have a small port on his left side to drain the lung for a day or two. Past that, he is pretty good.” She smiles at the relief in all our faces. “Ready to go see him Danny?”

            “Give the boss our love.” Kono steps out of the way, Chin nods, and I follow Yolanda down the honey-colored yellow hallway. I never noticed before how cheerful this floor is. Maybe it is because one of us is always on the other side of these doors.

            Yolanda waves me through the doors and follows me in. I wait while she caught up and she guides me to my stupid partner. The man causes me to lose years off my life. Speaking of the man there he is. “He will probably sleep, but you got about 10 minutes before they kick you out. The Commander will be in a room in about an hour and you will all be able to visit as long as you want then.”

            “Thank you.” I touch her shoulder, something I would not normally do, but she was so kind to me. Smiling and nodding Yolanda leaves me with Steve; who currently was sleeping the sleep of innocents. Nose cannula, blanket around his waist so his torso is exposed, and bandage on half of his chest, IV dripping, “Look at you Steven.” Moving up beside him I notice the activity in the recovery room. A quiet nurse is checking his vitals and I am just standing there arms limp and tired. Oh so tired.

            “His vitals are strong Detective and surgery went as expected, routine. He’s going to sleep a few more hours under the anesthesia, but he will be his usual chipper self when he wakes.” She smiles at me. All I can do is nod back. Steve chipper? Yes, that is a good description of him. He can be focused, but he is always friendly. That is another habit someone has broken him of. Steve used to be so hardcore about everything, his constipated face seldom made an appearance anymore. Instead he was more open and friendly, even when he was focused on a case. It was a miracle.

            “Ah, Detective. Good I caught you.” Dr. Akkili came around the bed to me. “Here is the object from his chest. I don’t know if it is evidence or not, so I preserved it.” She handed me a plastic bag and I could not really tell what I was seeing at first, but when it dawned on me I grimaced.

            “Is that what I think it is?”

            She chuckles lightly. “Yes sir. That is, in fact, a straight slot screwdriver. Your partner is lucky. A couple more inches to the right and he wouldn’t be with us right now.”

            Maybe it was my morose self or I am just a sick person, but I need to know. “…How many inches?”

            Shaking her head at me, she said, “You two are so alike. About 4 inches Detective, but it somehow went in at an angle, and that is how it nicked the heart wall; and somehow, I am pretty sure if you were lying there, the Commander would be asking me the same question.” He has to laugh at that because it was so true. It was like they were 12 year old boys burning bugs with a magnifying glass. Morbid through and through. Their jobs did not really help either.

            “Thank you.” I took the bag and shook her hand. Almost 7 months have passed since I had last seen her and she was standing over my hospital bed at the time for a knife wound that was infected. The same wound that had us changing our medical proxies. Quietly, both the doctor and the nurse left me alone. Even though recovery was far from quiet with its beeping and breathing machine sounds and the scuffle of feet, it was quiet where Steve was. “Hey babe, why do you do things like this to yourself?”

            Reaching out, I ran my hand through his hair and coming back with a little bit of sand. I had almost forgotten his day had started out surfing, without me, because I could not handle seeing him in his trunks. “Oh, babe,” I found myself without words. Steve was laying there with my hand in his hair and I just could not form any sentences. It was hard to see him like this. It was not that he was pale, but the pallor of his skin was not his usual tan and he was hooked up to a few, thankfully very few, machines. “You are never having a day off alone again.”

            I am not sure how long they actually let me stay. Just standing there running my hand through his hair, I am betting money it was a lot longer than 10 minutes I was promised. The nurse came and went at least twice and his IV bag was changed. All I could see was the sallowness of how Steve looked. It seemed while I stood there, I could make out a darkening under his eyes, which I am sure I imagined. “…Detective?” It was his nurse, Judi.

            “…Yeah?” I felt like I was in a trance. I did not want to leave him, but they were kicking me out. So it was time to let go.

            “We are getting ready to move him to his room. He is going to be in 654 if you want to meet us up there. It’s going to take about 10 or 15 minutes, but that should be plenty of time for you to grab something to eat. Yolanda told me you only had coffee and that Chin and Kono are waiting for you.” Hospitals are such closed communities like police forces. Everybody knows your business.

            “Umm, yeah. I supposed I could do that.” I looked up and could not remember which way I came in. It was that bad.

            She smiles gently. “Hang a left when you leave the curtain.”

            “Looked lost did I?” We both chuckle to break the tension. “Thanks.” Following her instructions, I went left and sure enough there was the exit. After that it was a straight shot back to the waiting room. Walking slowly with heavy feet he knew Kono and Chin would be waiting for him, but if anyone asks he was still back in recovery with Steve. At least his mind was his body was doing a pretty good impression of wandering down a hallway.

            Upon entering, both of them stood up. Chin asked first, “well?”

            “He is okay.” They sighed in relief. “He’ll be in room 654 in about 10 minutes or so.”

            Kono came over to me and gave me another hug, I must really look bad. “Did he wake up?”

            Shaking my head, “no he just laid there quietly. Which as we all know is rare.” They all laugh at my attempt to be humorous. “How long was I gone?”

I looked at the old clock as Kono answered, “about an hour.” Wow! Already four hours have passed since I heard from Duke. “I’m surprised they let you stay so long.” She said quietly in my ear with her arm wrapped around my shoulders.

“Me too.”

“Well, I am picking up dinner, since I am sure none of us have eaten.” Chin said, and by the looks of him he needed to get out of the hospital for a little bit. Queens was where Malia worked and that wound was still healing.

I shook my head, “Not really hungry at the moment.”

“Hush. Get us plate lunches cuz. I’m sure they can put Danny’s in the fridge on the 6th floor if he doesn’t eat.” Kono was holding on to me like I was ready to fall over, and maybe I was.

“Good choice. The usual?” Before I could answer, Kono nods and Chin smiles. “Right. I’ll see you upstairs in 654.” He brushed by me as Kono moved me further into the room. I was losing time left and right tonight. Here I thought it was that damn old clock.

“Thanks Kono.” As she steers me to a chair; of course it was the chair under the window where I could see that clock. I was for sure going to break that clock! When I sat, she took the evidence bag from me. I had forgotten I was holding it.

“This took him down?” She was looking carefully at the screwdriver. “How far?”

“4 inches, but it angled into his chest.” I did not want to look at it anymore. “Do something with that. I can’t even…” I trail off. I cannot what? Look at it? Deal with it? Handle that it actually pierced his heart?

Kono rolls the bag up and sticks it in her back pocket. She kneels down in front of me. “Talk to me Danny. You’re more morose than usual.”

“Morose. That is a good word. Great word, actually. I just…” I trail off. I just what? Realized a mundane object could kill Steve. Something every day like a screw driver could kill SuperSEAL? “I got nothing Kono.”

She nods like she understands and probably does. “I get it, but he is alive. Heroic as usual – but alive; you need to accept that.”

“Stupid SEAL… It was his day off. He didn’t need to be heroic Kono. Everyone fucking knows he is a hero. That isn’t in contention but he had to go and join the chase anyway.” I do not know where my anger came from but I was righteously pissed. Maybe it was my fear that was fueling it, who knew? I just knew that I watched him lay there and I could not tell him. Even to him unconscious, I could not tell him I was bisexual and in love with him. I could not even open my mouth for fear of it leaking out without my power to stop it, and now I do not want to see him like that. I wish I had been the one to go get our dinners. No, that would not have been smart because I probably would not have come back until I knew he was awake.

She just sat patting my knee bent down in front of me. I know my knee is healed, but I do not know if I could squat like that for long. “Danny what is really wrong?” I shook my head at her. This was my issue and I needed to buck up. “Okay I won’t push, but if you need me or Chin, we are here for you.”

“Thanks. It is nothing really.” The look on her face screamed _liar_ but I was not going to break. This issue belonged to me and Steve. Yes, it affected the team but I was not ready to bring the team in on it. “We could probably go upstairs now.” Evade and out maneuver that was how I was going to play it. Kono was smart and I would not be able to get away with it for long but maybe long enough to decide what I am going to do.

“We need to call Mary Ann and Catherine. Also Grace should know.” I mentioned as I stood up.

“Catherine already knows.  Chin called her she is still at sea. I’ll call Mary Ann.  You call Grace.” Kono hip checked me. “Come on old man. Let’s go see the boss.” We walked, both lost in our own thoughts, to the elevator bank. I even let the old man comment go because the longer I was away from Steve the more anxious I became and I am sure that Kono knew that. Which is why, when the elevator came, she did not say anything just hit the button for the 6th floor.

When we got upstairs we saw them as they rolled Steve into his room. “I’m going to wait to tell Grace until tomorrow. She’s going to be upset but it is just past her bedtime and I don’t want Rachel to wake her just so I can worry her.”

Kono nods. “I’ll call Mary Ann after we eat.”

I nod, and we stand by the door waiting as the activity inside gets Steve settled in. It takes a few minutes and I notice he looks more sallow than when he was in recovery but the lights are lower in recovery. Hopefully he would sleep through the night, and it wasn’t like Danny wasn’t going to be there the whole night. Once a few of the staff left the room, a couple of nurses rolled in one of the chairs that fold out into a bed. Nodding to myself, “yeah they know us here.” Kono chuckled.

Finally all the activity died down in the room. “We’ll be back in a couple hours to check on him.” The nurse whose name I did not catch said as he left. Would not be too hard to figure out which one is the male nurse on this floor. Or a tall island bred bleached blonde! Kono entered first and I followed her in. She had not seen him yet as I had in recovery.

“Well, boss man looks none the worse for wear.”

“Yeah that is because his chest is covered. Dumbass has a bandage the size of Rhode Island on his side.” I remark as I go around to the opposite side of the bed.

“Danny.” Scolds Kono quietly. “Don’t do that. He isn’t here enough to fight with you.”

“Oh, he isn’t going to fight. I” and I point to myself. “I will be kicking his ass personally and as loudly as possible when he wakes up.” My righteous anger was coming back. Or maybe it was my fear of once again almost losing him, speaking. A good counselor would know. Hell, a bad counselor would know.

“Let him at least sleep off the anesthesia first okay?” I incline my head, but there was no agreement to her statement. Steve was going to get an earful. What kind of earful was still wishy-washy. Really, I should tear him a new one for joining a police pursuit on his day off but I really did not want to fight with him over anything. I just want him to come home with me so I can take care of him. Christ, I have it bad.

Shaking my head, I stare down at Steve. He definitely looks worse in regular light. I so badly want to pull the blanket’s down to look at the bandage and see if I can see anything. Yes, I am an imbecile, but the man is going to show off his scars to all comers, so I want to be the first. Greedily, I want to be the only too, but that is not going to happen. Not with as often as he takes off his shirt for the populous. I’m still kicking myself for letting him go surfing alone; it is possible I might have been able to talk him out of it.

By the time Chin arrives with food it is nearing 11:15 PM. It’s been 5 hours since the accident and almost 5 since I heard from Duke. I have been over it in my head a couple hundred times and I do not think the hospital is the best place to tell Steve about being bisexual. Maybe over beers on the beach while he is recovering, but definitely not while he is in here. Hell, the man is going to be bribing someone to be out of here in 24 hours anyway. So what difference would it make if I waited? Okay yes, I’m a coward. I have to admit that to myself and I am fully admitting that I am a coward when it comes to this.

I am only half listening to Chin and Kono go over the Rikka Lampe case. She is suspected of embezzlement, but I cannot really concentrate. Okay I am half listening, but mostly not listening. It is pretty much a given they know I am for shit tonight. All I can think of is less than a couple of centimeters and that screwdriver could have cut something vital. Not just a tear or a nick. It would have been goodbye Superman.

Dammit I am still waffling about this. He needs to know. He deserves to know. Steve is my best friend and even if I cannot bring myself to tell him I am in love with him, I can at least tell him about my sexual orientation. It is not like he would reject me. Right? “Danny?”

“Huh?” My head whips up to Chin voice. _“I told you I wasn’t listening!!!”_ I yell at myself.

Both of them laugh. “Sorry to bother you but thought you might want to know we were leaving and Steve has been awake for the last few minutes.” Chin smiled and moves a little and sure enough a pair of hazel eyes are looking at me.

“Hey Superman! Welcome back.” I stand up and move to the bed.

Kono kisses Steve’s cheek and gives me a hug. “See ya in the morning Danny. You too, Steve.”

In a low and slightly groggy voice Steve jokes, “If I live that long. Danno here looks like he is out for blood.”

Everyone, but me laughs. Chin comes around the bed and squeezes my shoulder. “Don’t kill him while he’s in the hospital. It’s bad form.” He grabs something from Steve and I belatedly realize it is the screwdriver that almost killed Steve.

The two of them retreat from the room closing the door leaving Steve and I alone. Suddenly I am at a loss for words. Do I yell at him? Do I tell him? What do I do? Scrubbing my face, I take my time. Steve on the other hand looks at me with concern. “…That bad?” He asks.

“…4 inches Steven. 4. And that was if it had gone straight. As it was, it went at an angle and I would bet dollars to donuts it would have been centimeters if I asked Dr. Akkili about how deep and how far from death you actually were. But this time I didn’t want to know. Why, you are probably wondering?  …Because this time you did it _ON YOUR DAY OFF!!!_ ” My hands were gripping the bedrail to keep me from flailing or strangling him I do not know, but I held onto that bedrail for dear life.

Steve was watching me and wisely not saying anything. He lay there looking at me, staring at me like I was a puzzle. There was no expression or smirk like I expected. There was not even any argument which is what I usually get. His non-reaction was throwing me off. “What?” Grumpily I muttered.

“Danno what’s wrong? This isn’t you. You were spaced out when I woke up. Do you know it was Chin’s face I saw when I woke? Not yours.” He tilts his head and I continued to look at him. I am not sure what expression I was wearing because I wasn’t tracking fully. With such a big decision to make I just was not really into the arguing. “Now Chin is a handsome man and Kono a beautiful woman, but when I woke, I kind of expected to be flayed alive by a Jersey native. So you want to tell me what’s up. This is hardly the first time I have almost died and if I remember correctly, and I do, you usually destroy me upon waking.”

What could I say? Steve I am bisexual and I want to crawl into this bed and cuddle with you? That I cannot stand the thought of losing you when it we are so close that you, Grace, and I could be a family? How do I answer that? “Oh, seriously Danny. What the hell?” The stupid idiot tries to sit up and I push him back down. “Is it Grace? What happened? Because something happened while I was out!”

“Whoa chill ‘He Man’. Nothing happened with Grace. There is no fire. So lie back down and relax.” Steve lay back down with my help. Once Steve was comfortable I looked at him. “There is nothing wrong besides my partner got a straight slot screw driver though his chest almost 6 hours ago. So I’m sorry if my witty repartee isn’t up to snuff.”

“…Up to snuff? You are a zombie compared to normal. So again I ask. What the hell?” Steve was reaching for something and I immediately let go of the bar and backed off. He stopped and gave me a strange look and grabs the bed adjustment and nurse call button.

“Are you in pain?” I moved cautiously back to the bed rail.

“Yes, but this is for this.” And Steve began to raise the bed up into a sitting position. “Now Danny if I didn’t know better I would think you were nervous. Seeing as it is me in this bed and not you that couldn’t be possible. Could it?” He was fully inclined in the bed.

Standing there looking at him I knew what I needed to do. Hell has to do. Steve once again has almost gotten killed. Again. And so it was time to let him in on at least half a secret. I do not want to have the discussion I was in love with him in a hospital. “Steve.” I choked. I’ve never choked in my life. Yet here I am unable to say a damn thing.

“Okay. You have officially gotten me to go from worried to scared Danno.” He leans forward and put his hand on mine which moved back to the bed rail of it is own volition. “Why are you so jumpy and anxious?”

I laugh and it sounds bitter to my ears. “You would think this wouldn’t be a problem at my age.” Looking down at Steve’s hand on my hands I sigh. Steve really is a tactile person once you get to know him. His circle of trusted friends is small and this was one sign of it.

“You age? I’m confused. Talk to me.” Steve squeezes my hands.

Sighing, I just shrug. “There is something I have wanted to tell you for a while, but I haven’t been able to or the right time never came up. Then today you decide to take a screw driver to the chest. I cannot wait till the perfect time to tell you. Apparently there is no perfect time.” Closing my eyes I cannot look at him. I cannot take the rejection of losing my best friend.

In a soft voice that he uses for Grace when she is tired, “Danno you’re officially scaring me. What’s going on?”

Scaring him? Ha I’m fucking terrified. “Well, I guess… Shit this is hard you know? I thought it would be easy. I mean you’re my best friend and you wouldn’t judge me for anything, and well, it is just that I don’t want to lose that friendship but this could potentially cause you to ultimately hate me.” Did I mention I babble when I am nervous? I want to puke I am so nervous at this moment. Hell, I do not think I was this nervous on my wedding day. “It’s just that you are _SO_ important to me. I do not want to lose that.”

“You won’t.” Steve tries to break in but I talk over him.

“It’s just I haven’t been completely honest.” Damn I wish I could use my hands for this but my hands are both still trapped under Steve’s enormous and warm hand. “I should have told you sooner and I was going to but the timing was never right. It isn’t like I am sick or anything. So get that out of your head. It’s just that I am a little, perhaps, a lot bisexual and I don’t want to lose your friendship or have you look at me differently.” I pause to take a moment to breath.

Steve smiled, looking at me with a smirk. “I know are.”

Continuing on, because I am so wrapped up in what I am thinking and saying I do not hear him. Hey, I admit I am not even listening to him. It will make it so much easier when he lets me down easy. “Your friendship to me and Grace especially to me is important. It isn’t that you have a house on the beach, which is actually a bonus because then we don’t have to deal with the crowd. Hell, I even kind of like Doris, in a very sick and strange like she will kill me with the ladle kind of way.” Taking another swallow of air is becoming important again. So I pause to take one.

“Danny I know you are.” Steve tries to get my attention, but I am lost in my own rambling.

I take another breath and, “I consider you family and even Catherine’s great. I mean you guys are so good together. I still don’t quite get you friends with benefits thing you have going on, but it works for you. So who am I to judge?” I am cut off because Steve is moving around the bed. “Stop that you need to lay still. Just because you didn’t do any serious permanent damage doesn’t mean a nick to your heart muscle isn’t a bad thing. Stop it.” Steve would not sit still. The tall brunette man was moving all over the bed. No… he was moving closer.

Suddenly there was a hand over my mouth. “Do I have your attention now Danno?” I look at him like he has grown a second head, debated about licking his palm, and nod. “Okay good. First you are my best friend and nothing will ever change that. All right? Nod if you agree.” I nod like a robot so he could see I agree. “Second, I have known for a while you are bisexual and I figured you would tell me when you felt comfortable, but in a hospital? Really Danny?” I shrug and he laughs. “Third, you are family to me too… Always will be.”

He removes his hand from my mouth and I look at him a little dumbfounded. “How long have you known?”

“That you are bisexual?” Once again I nod like a robot because I cannot get my head around it. “…A while. How long really isn’t important. Just that I know. And I am completely fine with it.”

So Steve is okay with me being bisexual. Well, see I knew that. Okay yes, I am a mother fucking idiot for panicking like that. I was already sure Steve would be fine with it, but I guess when it came right down to it I did not want to lose him. Even if I can never have him the way I want, that is still okay. I have him as a friend and that has been enough up to this point. It will have to be enough from here on out.

“What is churning in that brain of yours? You are thinking awfully hard.” He places his hand back on mine. It is warm and comfortable and I would love to hold it and walk down the street holding it.

“It’s nothing. Just worried how you would react to the news. I guess I am still a little worried this is all a hoax and you are going to tell me to get out.” We both chuckle wryly at that.

“No worries. That is not what I want you to do.” Steve’s look softens when he says that. Clasping my hand in his he adds, “Far from it Danno.”

I smile stupidly. I just cannot help it. My best friend is okay with me being who I am. I cannot have him, but he can be happy with Catherine. Anything for him, “Thanks. I’ve got this great chair bed to rest on tonight.”

“Can I ask you about something you said?” It is that soft voice again, the one he uses with tired Grace.

I laugh tenderly because I am flayed raw tonight. “Apparently tonight I am an open book.”

Steve cocked his head to the side a bit and I saw the wince. He was getting tired and I am sure it was time for his pain meds. “Why did you mention Cath? We aren’t dating anymore.”

I smiled stupidly, “Yeah, you are friends with benefits. I told you I still don’t get that.”

“And I’m telling you that we haven’t been dating for the better part of seven months. We are still friends but the sex part is over.” Steve smirks in his charming way. Some days I want to punch it off his face and other days, like today, I want to kiss it off. I wish I could do just that.

“Seven months? I don’t get it. You have weekends together once a month.”

Steve outright laughs at that. “Yeah, well me and about 200 other guys. Once a month I have reservist training. It isn’t just Cath and me. And if we see each other it is a surprise since she is still active duty.”

“Then why are you always so happy when you get home?” I know my brows were furrowed in confusion.

“…Because I am coming home to my family.” Steve was telling me something but somehow I was missing the subtext. I knew this meant more than he was just coming home.

“Well, since Grace and I house sit that weekend and Doris is nowhere around, I think you are confused buddy.” I chuckle at my misunderstanding. Now I really was confused. What the hell was he talking about? _His_ family? Me and Grace? “Or maybe I’m confused?”

“No, I don’t think you’re confused. I think you get it but are unsure what it means.” Steve was leaning closer, his eyes shining (and they never do that) but he looks happy. “Let me spell it out. I come home… To my _family_.” He grips my hand tightly. “Who are at my _house_.”

Watching carefully, I think I know what he is trying to say and I want to be sure I get this because it is my future riding on this. “You are saying...” I swallow and lean close. “…that when you come home, you are happy because your family is there?” He nods slowly like I am a small child being lead somewhere. I guess I am. “You consider Grace and me family?” There is that nod and a smile. His ‘Grace’ smile. “We consider you family too.”

“Yes.”

Taking a deep breath, I put all my hopes on this one thing. “Do you want us there all the time to go home to?”

“Yes.”

Blowing out my breath I move closer. “So if I were to say, perhaps, crawl into bed with you it would be okay?”

“Yes.” The smirk was back.

“As tempting at that is tonight what about tomorrow? Will the offer still be the same?” I pause and tilt my head slightly. “You know I play for keeps. I don’t share. Not you.” I saw the wince again. “Lay back you lummox before you hurt yourself.” Steve did as he was told, but was still holding my hands. “I can’t share. It isn’t that kind of offer.”

“What kind of offer is it?” Steve’s head was in my direction and he was lying back as asked him to do.

“It’s a forever kind of offer.” Turning his hand over Steve tangled our fingers together. “I can’t play Steven.” It is soft and scared sounding but I cannot help myself. I want this so badly and if I cannot have everything I do not want anything.

“I can work with forever but I have a request.”

Laughing it broke the mood. “Of course you do. What is your request Steven?”

“That you say it first.”

I howled at that. I could not believe he wants me to say _I love you_ first. The man was lying in a hospital bed. “Okay what do I get if I say it first?”

Steve was being impish and I knew it. “You get a kiss and cuddles… Forever. You make the call.”

Letting go of his hand I grabbed the bed control and flattened out the bed. Removing my shoes I sat them on the floor next to the bed. Lowering the handrail I saw Steve scoot over on the bed. “It really isn’t made for two of us.”

He laughs joyously. “…One and a half.”

“…Bastard.” But we laughed. Carefully I crawl into bed with him and get comfortable. “…You good?”

“Yeah,” it sounded like a sigh. I could not see his face anymore to tell me what he was thinking.

Tucking myself into him, I smiled into his good side. I kiss the sun kissed skin below me. Looking up I smiled. “Steven J. McGarrett, even though you can be a pain in my ass, we fight constantly, and you are far too heroic for your own good… I love you with all my heart.”

“Oh Danno, I didn’t know you cared.” He laughs happily. I just shake my head at Steve’s antics. I could say something, but why bother. If Steve wanted mushy I could be mushy too.

“I care from the bottom of your feet to the top of your head. I care from across the ocean and back again. To the moon and into the stars, I care. Around the solar system into another galaxy, I care. This is how much I love you Steve.” Putting my chin on his chest, I could see the shine in his hazel eyes.

“I love you from infinity and beyond Danno. I know I may not be the perfect person, but you are the perfect person to me. You let me be me.” Steve leans forward and kisses the top of my head. “You make each day an adventure and each night I hope a pleasure.” I blush at that one and boy did I have ideas. Sure the shit quoted Toy Story but it was the thought that counts. “You make me want to be more and better. Thank you. And Daniel Williams? I do love you. I don’t know a day I didn’t love you.”

Smiling stupidly I want to cry. “I love you, too!”

 

 

Finis

**Author's Note:**

> I wish to thank my angelic and beautiful Beta StaceyK1968. She worked hard on this. Made me look halfway decent and then I go and fiddle with it LOL So ALL errors I am claiming for ME and the sanity I don't have left.
> 
> Con crit, kudos, comments and enjoyment is always welcome. The author loves to make comments :)
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy.


End file.
